It’s been a good long while since I last wrote out my thoughts and what is going on in my mind. Maybe that’s because life got wilder than I intended it to. Things have twisted and turned so far out of my own personal imagination that I still haven’t wrapped my head around it. It’s almost like a dream is playing out before my eyes, a dream I don’t quite understand.
There’s a saying that things get better, there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and that happiness wins in the end. I’m not sure I had enough imagination when it came to my future. I guess I figured I’d always just be barely surviving. I learned to be happy like that, somehow, and I finally became comfortable. Then, God asked me to make a change. I listened, and suddenly the comfort was gone. I was lost and confused and unsure of what was going on. How on earth could I get through such an unfamiliar path as this? And then, I did. And the journey started all over again.
Life never ends up the way we imagine it, no matter how negative, positive, or passive we are. We, as humans, have a perfect track record of never getting it right. And that’s more than okay. Because we get so many wonderful, beautiful, and mind blowing surprises along the way. We learn to laugh, and let go, and truly be ourselves. We live for the moment, we rejoice in the future, and we honor the lessons of the past.
What is “important” to us changes, but what is important never changes. Some days, all I want is to be noticed, other days all I want is to be noticed by the right people, and other days I just want to be able to love myself. No matter what at this exact moment is our goal, our core- our spirit- remains the same. We know there is a part of ourselves where our deepest fears and desires reside, and our true selves -the very essentials that make us exactly who we are- are really what we are living for. We cannot afford to get distracted by our ephemeral needs and wants and sacrifice who we are at our core.
I have been distracted many times by those kinds of needs. They feel so urgent, so loud, and so utterly in control of our future happiness that they scream for center stage. I think life is all about benching those loudmouths. We need to decide which important things we will let direct our lives. It’s certainly not an easy task, but it is the one that we’ve been given.
I’m grateful that life isn’t going “my way”, and I’m grateful that God knows full well what is really important to me. He reads my heart so often, and blesses me with tender mercies more often than I even notice. He is an amazing Father, support, and cheerleader, and it fills me with joy knowing that all of my brothers and sisters around the world have the privilege of feeling this same love in their own lives.