Our Trials Do Not Define Us

I have no idea why trials keep bombarding me, but they honestly do. The other day, I was talking to a dear friend about what is going on in my life. I was overwhelmed, scared, and I’m still a little unsure of what I’m supposed to do. I feel like my world has been tipped upside down.

It’s easy to let your problems drown you until you don’t really exist anymore. It’s easy to hide behind them, to make excuses, to play the victim and run away from the world. Trials are some pretty tough cookies. But God is insurmountably tougher. 

I’m exhausted from running from my problems. My sweet friend related her own experience of taking on her trials without letting Heavenly Father help her, and her gentle warnings reminded me that that would only make my trials worse.

One of Satan’s favorite ways to hurt me is by telling me that my trials and problems are a part of who I am, and by extension, I myself cannot progress. I will never be worthy enough to receive God’s love because of how dirty and sinful I am. But what I’m learning more and more is that our trials do not define us. No matter what we go through, we will always be children of God, infinitely loved and forever in his thoughts. He gave up His son so that we could repent. We must not let Satan frustrate that! But it is still so hard in practice.

I’m grateful for the reminders from my Father in Heaven this week. I don’t know where I would be without His love. So many great things are happening in my life, and there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t feel his those blessings working. I’m so thankful for the peace that His love brings me every day, even if it doesn’t make things any easier.

 

 

Our Ancestors Are in Us

Last Sunday, I was asked to prepare a talk on family history. It basically turned into 100% me losing it and crying my eyes out in front of everyone. However, I thought it would be fun to share a piece of myself with everyone.

(audio recording available here, if you’d rather listen than read)

Oftentimes, we each have moments of loneliness. We think we are completely and utterly alone in our trials, and we feel we have hit a dead end. I testify that we are NOT alone, nor will we ever be. Though we may not physically have the guidance and help we need, not only do we have the gift of the Holy Ghost and the Atonement, we are constantly surrounded by angels- those who are completely on our side, and fighting for us. It is a common feeling that family history is something that we do for our ancestors. Let me share my personal experience. Continue reading

My Purpose

I attended a career fair today, which was amazing! It was intimidating in theory, but honestly I came back feeling amazing. I never imagined that I had that much to offer the world, but here I am! They were all so kind and told me all of the ways I can get experience for my career. I love that no one laughs or discourages. It strengthens my belief in myself.

I know I’m just a girl with big dreams, but isn’t everyone? I felt a warmth of reassurance from my Heavenly Father as I’ve considered my life options so far. Despite major on and off emotions, mostly I feel His love for me. I know that He is pleased, even if I forget sometimes. Continue reading

A Reawakening

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(link to photo here https://www.pinterest.com/pin/24066179238990551/)

Sometimes it’s hard to see the end of things. Sometimes we think they’ll last forever, and when they do end we suddenly wish we could do it all over again. I don’t know what it is that makes us feel comfortable, but how much greater would over lives be if we never let ourselves get dragged into that hole of forgetfulness? Continue reading

Campus Life

Well, it’s week two of this semester, and things have been pretty okay. I’m working on this thing called routine. I’m not very good at it, but I guess that’s part of the journey of having a normal life. I have successfully left my apartment almost every single day so far, which for me is a huge accomplishment. I can tell my days are definitely better when I get out and spend some time around people, even if I never talk to them. Continue reading

Why I Left

Many of you know that I left home at a young age. It’s been hard for me to really explain what lead up to that point. I’ve been self-conscious, guilty and felt the need to justify it many times, even to myself. Many did not and still do not fully understand why I did what I did. I have also had a hard time accepting  the reality of my life circumstances.

However, I feel like I’ve grown a lot in the last month. Because of many trials in my life the past few years, I’ve gone through a bit of a rough patch with my testimony. I have never doubted my testimony, I’ve struggled to understand myself and therefore my relationship with Heavenly Father and Christ has suffered. It’s been very difficult, and a time of deep self-reflection and spiritual distress.

I know without a doubt that my trials have been tailored specifically for me. My Father in Heaven knows that nothing hurts my soul more deeply than hurting someone- especially those whom I love. Continue reading

I Am a Child of God

As a follow-up from my last post, I’d like to share my thoughts directly after I felt that gratitude and relief.

Tears began to collect, while as my heart was brimming with the promise of hope my throat caught  with fear. I’ve already asked what to me feels like an innumerable amount of times for him to take everything away. It makes my heart ache when I think about all of the prayers from sleepless nights where I’ve pleaded for relief and been told to carry the burden a little longer.

What I did not understand then and am just beginning to see is that I misinterpreted the words “endure a little longer” with “You’ve got to go on alone for a while”. Continue reading

He Will Heal You

Being a month from 19, I still consider myself to be little more than a child. And, like a child, I won’t stop asking questions until I find satisfactory answers. I am sure that I am not alone in my queries of: What is going on in my life? Why am I where I am? Where am I going? Such questions lead down a rabbit hole.

As I’ve been pondering my current life situation, Continue reading

Shame vs. Guilt

I’m sure we’ve all had a plenty of experiences where we’ve done something stupid and felt that flip in our stomachs that tells us bad consequences are coming. I feel it when I’m in the middle of some thoughtless words, when I’m clumsy, and lots of other typical things. When we make mistakes, we should be filled with guilt. Guilt is a healthy, normal thing that is required in order to progress. It helps us to know that we need to get back on the path to God, and that’s great. Guilt is like that pain you get when you burn your hand on something hot; it’s not to torture you, but to warn you that you are headed in unsafe territory. If you keep your hand on any longer, more damage will be done. Guilt is our safety net from further pain and error. It’s one of the beautiful gifts from God. I’m so grateful for this gift, as I need it quite often in order to prevent the repetition of certain mistakes.

Shame is something I do not find beautiful at all. Continue reading