In an article that recently appeared on Facebook, titled The Thing About Getting Offended Mormons Don’t Often Understand (It was originally published on LDSLiving. You can read it here.) I made a comment that I felt was so important, I had to share it here as well. It was in response to many comments made about some members misusing the scriptures and conference talks that reprimanded those who “choose to be offended”. Their intent in this action was clearly to place the blame of their sin on the person who’s feelings that must’ve known they had hurt.
I find it absolutely necessary to make the truth known to everyone. Here is the comment I made:
Looking through a few of the comments, I wanted to make this clear. If anyone is using scripture, such as choosing to be offended, as justification for their actions, they are exercising unrighteous dominion as stated in The Family: A Proclamation to the World. In that proclamation, they were explicitly warned that they would have to face serious consequences for any such infringement on others, whether they were originally given rights over a person (read parent, guardian etc.) in order to provide care for them, or they decided they had rights over a random person. Yes, it can be extremely frustrating at times to deal with people like that, and we certainly don’t need to let them walk all over us, but we still need to exercise a level of control over ourselves. I think when Christ tells us to “turn the other cheek”, He’s not saying to passively take the abuse- He’s telling us to not allow our control over ourselves to be taken from us. He’s telling us to not give them any control over us and to hand the matter of offense over to Him to solve. He only wants to give us peace of mind, not continued hurt. But certainly do NOT let others convince you that it is okay to be terrible and that Heavenly Father has justified them, because He will NEVER justify willful sinning ESPECIALLY (but not limited to) when someone is harming another of His children.
I 113% stand by my words. I wish I could teach all who have had any moments of confusion about this and calm all of their doubts and pain. Please know that the commandments of God were created to make us happy! As my professor here at BYU-Idaho says, “Does it taste like light?” If it does not, I urge you to pray about it. I promise that Heavenly Father is the source of all truth and light, and He will NOT do anything that won’t eventually lead to your ultimate happiness. If ANYONE is continually using the words of God to hurt and belittle you, please seek help from those who love you. This is manipulative and unrighteous dominion! Talk to your Bishop*, a friend, anyone who you know you can trust, and allow yourself to find what will truly make you happy in this life. Pray for guidance as you search, and read the scriptures for direction. You deserve to be surrounded by people who acknowledge and celebrate your divine nature and encourage you to seek (and have! See Utchdorf’s Forget Not to Be Happy Now) true happiness. Heavenly Father loves you and His two deepest wishes and ultimate joys are to see you happy and see you return home to Him.
*Your Bishop is inspired by Heavenly Father to be a righteous judge in Israel. He is there to help you heal, whether it be by your own choices or the choices of another. He should be working closely with the Savior to help you achieve peace. If he is reacts in a way that does not taste like light, such as making you question whether the abuse is indeed real, understand that that is his choice to not fulfill his calling righteously. Not all bishops are like that. In that case, talk to your stake president. Talk to as many leaders in your church as is needed to get help. Remember that when a leader does not fulfill their calling they way they should, it is NOT your fault. they still have your agency. Pray for guidance, and as you work with your righteous church leaders, I can promise that you can find peace. It may be a long road, but all righteous people will find happiness in the end, and even the most arduous journey can be filled with many moments of joy. God loves you. Of all things, never forget that.