As a follow-up from my last post, I’d like to share my thoughts directly after I felt that gratitude and relief.
Tears began to collect, while as my heart was brimming with the promise of hope my throat caught with fear. I’ve already asked what to me feels like an innumerable amount of times for him to take everything away. It makes my heart ache when I think about all of the prayers from sleepless nights where I’ve pleaded for relief and been told to carry the burden a little longer.
What I did not understand then and am just beginning to see is that I misinterpreted the words “endure a little longer” with “You’ve got to go on alone for a while”. These are two completely different calls of action. I know for a fact that many of us struggle with any form of “failure”. I am easily one of the first people to jump on the hate train when I take too long to accomplish something. I feel almost entitled to the ability to succeed on my own. If that isn’t the epidomy of human pridefulness, I don’t know what is.
I may think that I know what’s up, but he is the one who knows what is best and what guidelines I should be following. He knows that, yes, I can do anything through him, because he is wise. I am not wise, and I do not properly take care of myself. I don’t know everything there is to know about human bodies and health; I can’t perfectly follow rules I don’t quite 100% understand. But he knows, and he keeps trying to tell me. I can’t perfectly apply these rules to me, because I don’t know the specifics of my body. I don’t know what will do what to me. But he knows, and he tries to tell me. I don’t know what part of my sins I need to work on the most at what times, nor the situations I will need to face to push that change. But he certainly knows. His knowledge is perfect. He knows exactly what he is doing, and I know nothing of myself.
Over and over I am reminded of this. We are totally dependent on his love, care and instruction to really get anywhere that we want to go. His plan is so perfect, and if you look at it from a broad sense, you can really see that God is truly our parent. He wants us to be happy. He doesn’t let us face consequences because he wants to watch us cry; he does it because he wants us to learn so we don’t ever make that mistake again.
We so often mix up who Heavenly Father and Satan are, and what their desires and plans are. Satan revels in our moments of unhappiness, and wishes for us to repeat those mistakes until we get stuck in a pattern. He delights when we are just as stuck as him. He wants us to always be unhappy and never get any closer to being as wonderfully happy as God is every day. Satan has strayed from God so far that he is now so wholly confused that he thinks that good is bad and bad is good.
The concept is so perfectly simple, and yet it takes so much repetition for us to wake up and feel the reality of things. Every aspect of the gospel is a true and real principle, and every moment we refuse to live by them we are setting ourselves up for failure. We need to embrace and understand where these principles and our lives connect, and use that knowledge.
As time goes on, my perspective is slowly changing and evolving. I no longer think in a linear sense. Things that used to feel like the end of the world no longer scare me as much. More and more I see with an outside perspective. I hope that I can eventually see the world with the eyes of my Father in Heaven. I’m so grateful for how much I’m learning every day.